Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   wow, by several of the last status posts, we can see that Ferguson must have gotten their Internet back!!!

   A guy at a stoplight angrily pointed and yelled at me, so I smiled at him and mouthed "I love this song too!"

   I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems

   I bruised my face running drunk into a slider door but I told my coworkers it's my violent boyfriend because I want them to think I'm dating

   I'm at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.

   I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.

   Where are all these beautiful singles in my area that want to meet me. I keep getting a popup with photo's of several ladies, However I have never noticed them at wal-mart, the grocery store, church, or anywhere around here. I Think this may be a scam!!

   Osha should be required to shut the Men's office bathrooms down the Monday and Tuesday after Easter

   I bet Peter is pissed off they keep stealing from him. On a side note, Paul seems to be pretty happy.

   If I've learned anything from my 7-day Detox, it's that I love toxins.

   The last time I went camping I stayed home.

   I met a black clown and a white clown. The white clown made me a balloon animal. The black clown stole my wallet.

   *Taps life on shoulder* What's your fcukin problem with me?

   You know that the Pot used to call the Kettle something much worse right?

   I am like a buffet, you take what you like and ignore what you dont like.

   Cop: "Can you describe the person who robbed you?" Me: "He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee"

   What do you call a black girl under age 30 named Sarah? Identity thief."

   What is the scariest thing about a white person in prison? You know he did it.

   What do you call a black guy with millions of white friends? Mr President

   it possible to have been bitten by a radioactive sloth without knowing it? Can't find any other explanation for my symptoms.