bego Funny Status Messages

   ~~ S.I.N.G.L.E = (S)tress (I)s (N)ow (G)one, (L)oser (E)radicated. 

   I think your first love holds the biggest piece of your heart because they made the first cut.

   To those who have made Facebook their diary . . . Please slap yourself for me.

   Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . .  have fun

   FB lesson number #1. If you don't want people to in your business, stop posting it on your status.

   Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M&M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages.

   Doctors say a drink a day is good for the heart. I say, a case a day is good for the memory, it helps you forget all the as$holes around you!

   Question Of The Day- Why isn't there a mouse flavored cat food?

   RELATIONSHIP TIP: You have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. Becoming happy with who you are and acknowledging your flaws.

   Hate when I'm Sexually rubbing the wall until you find the light switch.

   I could be the next American Idol!! If they could just let me bring my shower on stage...

   I hate it when they call you from someone else's phone And you answered it

   Instead of Valentine's Day we should change it to Forever Alone Day

   Teacher asks: What is the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend and a wife.Student replies: Prepaid, post paid and unlimited plan.

   Before I eat chips, I have to look in the bag for a perfect one

   Some people just need to change their status updates to, “Needs attention.”

   A relationship without trust is like having a phone with no service. And what do you do with a phone with no service? You play damn games.

   Valentines Day is almost here! I still can't find my handcuffs and whip!!

   Dear Valentine's Day, Thanks for taking all the happily dating/married couples in the world and shoving them in my face. Screw you too Cupid.

   Last night my neighbors kept me up with the headboard banging. I finally yelled "The guy last night made her scream louder" That shut em up