Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The KKK and Black Panthers are in line at Starbucks--Barista

   Today is national Happy Day. Off to the liquor store I go.

   Some serious smack talk in the office today going on between Indian and Sri Lankan Cricket World Cup fans if anyone is wondering what its like working in IT during March Madness.

   My Asian friend cannot believe I've never seen "Roarest Rump"

   I'm thankful for the people who have the make of their car across their windshield, I've always wondered who made your '97 Civic

   It doesn't matter how hard you thought out those vanity plates, bro. All any of us read is 'imma douche'

   What do we want?!? GOOD DECISIONS!!!!! When do we want them?!? BEFORE LAST NIGHT!!!!

   Every time I eat ribs it looks like there was a BBQkkake party on my face.

   Being a lesbian sounds fun, you can get your nails painted while you scissor.

   I'm at my most Oprah when I'm giving out the airplaine liquor bottles stashed in my purse to all the mom's at a kid's birthday party.

   I really worry about people who have Jesus as their pilot. I don't think they even had airplanes back then.

   PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.

   How do YOU know your baby doesn't like my second hand smoke? It can't even talk yet.

   I haven't done a taste test, but I'm pretty sure a bleached butthole tastes the same as a regular butthole.

   Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.

   I'd be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.

   Yes!! 1,000 times Yes! I WILL like the Facebook page of the architecture firm your a part-time receptionist at, girl I met at a party once.

   Like my uncle Gary always used to say, "Don't bother, they won't beleive you anyway"

   Being a Buffalo Bills fan is similar to being Rick Grimes. You're pretty much hopeless. When there is a sign of hope... all hope is crushed by the Governor aka Bill Belichick.

   You seen one solar eclipse, you seen em all. If you want, I can show you a full moon any day of the week though. . .