Funny Status Messages

   I like you... People say I've got no taste, but I like you...

   found out that it's easier to get forgiveness than permission...

   There's too much blood in my caffeine system...

   Don't be humble. You're not that great...

   1am... husband is snoring so loud I can't sleep! Tomorrow night I'm getting out the spray bottle and when he starts I'm giong to squirt him like a bad puppy! Yeah, I'll let you know that one turns out.

   throwing acid is wrong, in some peoples eyes!

   I cant stand people who look down on people that look down on people

   anyone else as shocked as I am that a relationship between a cage fighter named Tito and the world's most famous porn star ended with domestic assault and accusations of drug abuse?

   when I hear a person say "My Mom didn't raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"

   Jeff Gordon vs. Jimmie Johnson...I love it when DIVA's fight!!

   You know its time to cut your finger nails, when your scrathing your balls and they start bleeding.

   Don't push me! I will be forced to engage in a combat sequence, that should only end with your demise.

   if court experience is a must for Obama's Supreme Court selection... I say go with Charlie Sheen

   Life is a b*tch, but she's totally "do-able!"

   I walked into my local newsagent and noticed he put a "NO READING IN THIS SHOP!" sign up. So I grabbed four bars of chocolate and said "Which one of these is a KitKat?"

   it just me or is it that flying and crawling insects enjoy getting sprayed on with can aerosol insecticides and watch you get frustrated while they pretend to die.....

   I'll tear down the stars and I'll give them to you. They're not as pretty as your eyes, but I guess they'll have to do.

   always wondered why people with no teeth often buy the most expensive toothpaste.

   Roethlisberger has been suspended, which means that the NFL has a stricter policy on sex abuse than the Vatican

   watched JAWS backwards last night - it is a good movie about a SHARK that puts a boat back together (with it's mouth) and puts people on the boat, and then throws-up people until they open the beach!!!