Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My life is just a series of flight or flight responses.

   Just my normal Saturday, trimming my bonsai tree and teachin' the new kid in my building some karate

   I remember simpler times, when George Michael was straight, Prince was gay, and Catholic Priests could be trusted with young boys.

   That girl who sells seashells by the seashore is a moron

   "IT'S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON'T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.

   If two Chocolate bars are stuck together it counts as one - so shut up please!

   In the epic battle of good vs evil, politicians are double agents.

   Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but names will never hurt me....simple advice to Islamic extremist, but it's hard to reason will those that believe there's a bevy of virgins waiting for them upon death

   Q: how do you know your house was robbed by a white guy? A: When everything is still there.

   I have a dream that one day I won't have to work on MLK Day.

   All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz and I'm fine.

   You think the colts are going to win? You better Belichick yourself before you wreck yourself

   24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?

   Hey NFL, why all the domestic violence ads? We're not the ones beating up women, you are.

   Call me a critic but I would just about guarantee that the idiot selling seashells down by the seashore is a product of the No Child Left Behind Act.

   I'm at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.

   Respect cost you nothing.....but disrespect can cost you your mfn life

   How much dope did the dope dealer deal when the dope dealer did deal dope?

   I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.

   I love you like white folks love the Kardashians.