Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just been accused of being condescending , that's where you talk down to people.

   Please God let me show you being a millionaire won't spoil or change me

   it's my sons third birthday tomorrow... Due to budget constraints we're not gonna tell him!!!!

   If Katniss and Peeta from “Hunger Games” were Hollywood celebrities, their super couple nickname would either be Katpee or Peeniss.”

   If Homer Simpson were a Democratic Congressman from Springfield, Ohio, he’d be “Homer Simpson (D-OH)"

   a show called the view shouldn't hurt your eyes

   I'm so old, I remember when the internet didn't have commercials. . .

   You can never trust anyone 100%. Suicide is proof that you can't even trust yourself with your own life.

   Hi, I enjoy short drives to the liquor store and crying in the shower until the hot water runs out. Wanna date?

   Al Sharpton...Please go crawl back under the rock you came from.

   Don’t call me. Alcohol you later

   Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.

   I don't understand how people can fall right to sleep after sex. I mean, are you just trusting them to leave on their own accord?

   #OscarsGoWhite??? More N igs just crying b/c they want something they don't deserve. What BS!

   Don't run from your problems, chase them with alcohol.

   As it turns out, "harder" is a terrible safe word.

   Why does every horrific news story begin with "A Florida man..."

   Had that dream again about Cee Lo Green getting into a slap fight with a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

   If you're using a shopping cart at the liquor store I'm going to hit on you

   Backseat drivers are the worst. They're always like "the light is red!" and "don't text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"