bego Funny Status Messages

   Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life

   Ever drive somewhere, completely zoned out, and wonder, ‘How the heck did I just get here?' Then start freaking out about how many red lights you must have ran. Yeah, happens all the time.

   PROFILE PICTURES: What people want other people to think they look like. TAGGED PICTURES: What they actually look like.

   Ignores phone call* -Text them- “You called me?”

   Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll.

   Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money.

   If you aren't happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship. Get your own life first, then share it.

   If I still reply to your one word text messages you're special.

   *Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let's get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”

   Instead of “lol” I put “lsimhbiwfefmtalol” Laughing silently in my head because it wasn't funny enough for me to actually laugh out loud.

   Humans are the only creatures on earth that will cut down trees, make paper, then write “SAVE TREES” on them.

   I secretly like days when none of my facebook friends have birthdays.

   If a tomato is a fruit, then isn't ketchup technically a smoothie?

   Do something awesome, no one sees it. Do something embarrassing, everyone sees it.

   You can do nice things for people all the time & they never notice.But once you make one mistake, its never forgotten.

   Shouldn't you have to pass a urine test to collect a welfare check, since I have to pass one to earn it for you?

   ""When people cut you down. Or talk behind your back. remember they took time out of their pathetic lives, To think about you.""

   Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener.

   We have several extra kids in our house that are invisible -  their names are ~ "It wasn't me,"  "I don't know," and "Why me"

   I remember as a teenager I used to kill myself getting to a ringing telephone... Now I don't even have the ringer on.