Her: "Now, I'm going to go to the bathroom and take off my 1 pound of makeup, high heels, push-up bra, colored contacts and 3/4 of my hair and then we're going to talk about YOU being more honest."
ME: "Hello, Front Desk, Can I get a wakeup call please?" FRONT DESK: "You're 37, unemployed, single, and haven't saved a penny for retirement" ME: "Thanks"