Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Sneezing while taking a piss is only recommended when you're in a public toilet. 
When you realize winter is still 5 week away!
My cat sucks at staring contests!
One day while in a bank, an old lady asked if I could help her check her balance... so I pushed her over
The girl opposite me on the bus is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I'm done picking my nose, I'm gonna smile and say hello.
My awesomeness z like an epiphany... It comes and goes, can never see it coming nor can you try to stop it.
Breaking News. A woman finds something that she disagrees with. Does not take to social media in an ear splitting snit about it.
What if, when you see your therapist jotting down notes, he is only writing his tweets for the next day from your dialog?. Think about it.
Giant spider in my room last night and firefighters took half an hour, they obviously don't understand "emergency"!
If you ever get stuck babysitting your nieces and nephews, be sure to give them each a 5-Hour Energy Drink before you give them back to Mom and Dad.
Oh and for all those polar bears are losing their homes because the earth is heating up people ..Tell the polar bears to bring their furry asses to Indiana they will feel right at home
I was washing my gum and my wife almost put cloths in with my gum !!!!!!! she almost ruined a whole pack !!!!! .........Gonna let it slide cause I love her
Happy International Men's Day!!!
Jesus save. Passes to Moses. Off Mohammed. He shoots! He SCORES!
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
People who say stuff like "everyday is a new day" are also the same fools who say sh*t like "apples are fruits" and "women are humans"
Nice try Sonic but I'm sure that the dude in the commercial isn't really trying to impress the ladies
Divorces should just be reverse weddings where you get pushed out of a church while your friends steal appliances from your home.
Some people say I’m condescending, which of course means I look down on people.
I miss the feeling of butterflies in my stomach, so I ate some caterpillars.
Site Links
© 1999 - 2021 Tjshome.com
