Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If the clitoris really wanted to be found it wouldn't hide inside a hood.

   If I was a reporter in Syria, I'd beheading home right now.

   Great British Bake-Off tonight. In honour of the iPhone launch last night, they too will be trying to improve the Apple Turnover.

   If you want to change the world, do it when you are a bachelor. After marriage, you Cnt even change Channel of Tv

   So what if Lesean McCoy tipped a waitress 20 cent. He gives defenses 4 quarters every game.

   cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades

   So, who wants to play go F#ck yourself. Oh my sarcasm never ceases to amaze me. . .

   If Michael Sam beats his wife, will he get fired too. Equal Opportunity my ass.

   Showing your friend a funny video on YouTube and constantly checking their face to make sure they’re enjoying it…

   Go shawty, I forgot your birthday. It's only thanks to Facebook that I know it's your birthday.

   If a co-worker asks how your long weekend was, respond with a clever retort like "not long enough" or "MAAAAAN I MISSED YOUR SMELL"

   So disappointed that Hello Kitty isn't a cat. This must be how Snoop Dogg felt when he met Emily Blunt

   All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids

   I could make a rap video, but instead of cash I'd be surrounded by stacks of Taco Bell napkins

   "I've seen fire & I've seen rain" -James Taylor & LITERALLY EVERY HUMAN

   I heard the man who invented the cross word puzzle past away....did you hear this? yea they buried him 6 feet down and 3 feet across

   Don’t you just hate it when you wake up and...no that’s all...but don’t you just hate it though when you hate it for no reason.

   Reason #428 why other countries hate the US. We act like our civil rights have been violated when a waiter says, “We don’t have Coke, will Pepsi do?”

   Dear sneeze, If you’re gonna happen, happen. Don’t put a stupid look on my face and leave.

   If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail.