Funny Status Messages

   ofcourse I love women and have an undying respect fo 'em. , .they rate way up on my priority list . . right after measles,chicken pox and broken legs

   Dear iPhone, I'm pretty sure I meant to spell "b*tches" not "chubies"

   If "fire" didn't rhyme with "desire" and "right" with "tonight" most Boy Bands wouldn't be able to write a song.

   Remember, every girl you meet online is actually a guy in real life, and every kid is an undercover FBI agent.

   decided to try the P90X workout with a co-worker and realized just a few minutes into it that it was going to kill me, Damn I'm getting old

   Relax. If you didn't want me knocking it over, why the hell did you write "tip jar" on it? Just for that, I'm taking my 15 cents back...

   Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

   The sign outside the Burger King that says Now Hiring Closers is obviously spelled with a silent C.

   came to work naked today because, yesterday my boss yelled: "I wanna see your a$$ in here by 8:00!"

   I'd love to be a lifeguard at the gene pool. I'd let a few of them drown.

   Q. What is the definition of a perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.

   and XX are now friends via the 'People You May Know Who Are a Tool' tool.

   Earth Day - Keeping Earth cleaning than Uranus...

   wishing everyone a "Happy Earth Day", and is reminding you to keep our planet clean, it's not Uranis..

   Happy Earth Day!! Time to plant all the greens burned 2 days ago.....

   at work, online researching how to be more productive at work

   The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..

   If you cant dazzle them with your brillance, baffle them with your bull sh!t

   Some people get so upset when you delete them from your fb friends list. What is the big deal it's not like we're real friends and hang out everyday.

   but officer, the sign says "no shirt, no shoe, no service"...is says NOTHING about pants!