Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   it just me or has Aunt Jemima lost weight

   Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you're dating an onion and not a man.

   "Kicking butt and forgetting names!" - Alzheimer's Fight Club

   A women's clothes tell you a lot about her mood. If they are on your bedroom floor, she's horny.

   I'm just here for the relationship advice from single people.

   If you really want to get under someone's skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.

   If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

   Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

   Dear radio and TV stations. There's a 100% likelihood I'm changing the station the second I hear a car commercial.

   What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

   Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.

   The guy who leaked the Jennifer Lawrence pictures may be the first man to ever die of too many hi fives

   If you think your life is bad, just remember that Stevie Wonder will never ever see Jennifer Lawrence's leaked nudes.

   they found the body of the guy who stole all the celebrity's nude photos. Apparently he has been high fived to death.

   My favorite collage is Morehead State, my favorite fish is the suckerfish and my favorite bird is the swallow. Are you taking notes ladies?

   Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.

   Just changed my iTunes password to "password".... and now I just have to wait for all of my nudes to be leaked.

   When I grow up, I wanna be the guy in the fluffy suit that police dogs attack!!!

   My favote colleges are Ball State and Bring 'em Young.

   Energetic people who say "I'll sleep when I'm dead", are already dead to me.