bego Funny Status Messages

   if I were sitting in a jail cell right now, why would you think I was there? ;)

   If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!

   I love "me" so much, my Dr gave me a nice jacket that helps me hug myself!

   I can be doing all the right things and life still has a way of slapping me in the face..

   "Single" doesn't always mean available, just as "in a relationship" doesn't always mean happy!

   I wish people on FB would just write, "I'm dying for attention! Please comment on this!". Instead of all the dramatic posts with only half the situation given.

   Why do some men feel the need to make his woman jealous of other beautiful girls? A real man should be making other beautiful girls jealous of his woman!!

   The #1 biggest lie from a girl: I'm fine...

   Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above

   Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall.

   P.M.S.= Pass my shotgun

   Everyone thinks that girls dream about finding the perfect guy, pssht we dream about eating whatever we want and not getting fat!

   Facebook needs a “Drama of the day” section in my news feed. 

   NO, you don't have “haters”. People just don't like you. Get over yourself.

   NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”  

   Sending a risky text & thinking.. “Oh god, they hate me,” if they don't respond within 30 seconds.

   People with a Bluetooth look like they're communicating with Douchebag Mission Control.

   Oh, the good old days before Facebook, when you didn't care whether anyone "liked" you or not.

   I hate it when people say " you need your beaut sleep" damn B**ch, you need to hibernate!

   No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.