Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don't have to see, touch, or smell them.

   Hey MWC, What about your pinis? Don't you feel bad about beating the only thing that ever stood up for you!!??

   A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy.. Sadly that part of me is a liar

   Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice,I'm made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine

   I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?

   Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small,large,circle,square,thin crust, thick crust,stuffed crust,extra toppings.

   Life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid...

   Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it

   At least now I know the real reason why I've never been asked to play on a professional volleyball team...

   I put on my pants just like everyone else around here, reluctantly.

   Raising ones leg and releasing a loud fart is a proper response for any man who doesn't like his wife's tone of voice.

   My internet goes out more than I do.

   How come boogers come out so easy, and they are SO hard to get off your finger?

   Tried to kill a cockroach with Aqua Net and now it smokes two packs a day, joined my bowling league and calls itself Brenda

   Scones are just uppity biscuits...

   Some might argue that having spider webs in your kitchen sink is a sign you need to cook more... I, however, see it as a sign that life is pretty damn good! (Let's go with that)

   How much for the coping mechanism? Ma'am that's alcohol..

   I think I'll open a Chinese restaraunt and call it "Wok Your Dog."

   Welcome to The Antisocial Club Now besides me, who else doesn't want to be here?

   With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I'm sure heads will roll.