Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 4675 of 5594

   messageicon When my wife asks me to hold her purse, I look cool by looking over my shoulder nervously as if I'd just snatched it.
←Rate | 07-22-2014 18:23 by andrew Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wish saying "Uncle" to Life would work.
←Rate | 07-22-2014 18:26 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you need to cancel your service with Comcast, I suggest getting Liam Neeson to handle it
←Rate | 07-23-2014 00:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
←Rate | 07-23-2014 00:45 by Jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
←Rate | 07-23-2014 05:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon It has been proven that Australians watch TV more than any other appliance.
←Rate | 07-23-2014 07:02 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who eat fish tacos: You realize you can get tacos that don't have fish in them,,, right?
←Rate | 07-23-2014 07:17 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Pro-Russian rebels" You mean the Russian army?
←Rate | 07-23-2014 09:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd put down my phone for you.
←Rate | 07-23-2014 10:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
←Rate | 07-23-2014 10:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.
←Rate | 07-23-2014 12:34 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a new strain of Marijuana on the market now. It is called "The Obama". It is very expensive, powerful, and does not do anything
←Rate | 07-23-2014 12:45 by Styles Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I'd of sent a bloody letter
←Rate | 07-23-2014 13:42 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
←Rate | 07-23-2014 13:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can carry anything in a fanny pack except self respect.
←Rate | 07-23-2014 13:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's national hot dog day! Time to come and get your weenie ladies.
←Rate | 07-23-2014 18:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
←Rate | 07-23-2014 20:29 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old,,, my driver's license is valid for covered wagons.
←Rate | 07-23-2014 20:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
←Rate | 07-23-2014 20:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Canada they have 18 hour traffic jams at 4 way stops,,, cause everyone is being polite and insisting the other driver goes first
←Rate | 07-23-2014 20:36 by snotty Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left