Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   An app that tracks a woman's PMS iMad, if you will.

   I guess it's time to face the reality that I just do not want to rock and roll all night. Nor do I wish to party eva-ree day.

   Would using 2 Sleepy Time Tea bags instead of 1 be conscidered over-medicating? Asking for a friend.

   Someone needs to tell all the other horses that its CC's birthday today.

   Will children of the future be nostalgic about grandpa's Axe Body Spray, fauxhawk and body waxing strips?

   I don't like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don't need that kind of pressure.

   This glue seems to have an awful lot of Chrome flakes in it

   Does it count as necrophilia if she's just dead inside?

   [Russian class] Um, why did I fail this test? Teacher: You just wrote in English and added "ski" to the end of the words... I knowski.

   My sex drive is manual

   this cocaine cut with flour? Because I'm gluten free and very heath conscious.

   LeBron James just got a new endorsement deal with Midol

   Your profile pic is good in bed.

   Now that Microsoft's Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.

   I didn't have enough closet space so I bought a treadmill.

   Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.

   Get close so I can push you away. ~ humans

   Don't worry, I got your back. And your ass. And a little in your hair too.

   I look so young for my rage.

   Of course I care about you, I put my d*ck in your mouth didn't I? - Men