Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You think she's hot?you should of seen the one that got away.

   there, Ebay password changed........Forgot it already!

   Well, well, well...look who's come crawling back,,, asking me to repair the tire on their wheelchair.

   Please just put it in the fridge.... We'll throw it away next week.

   You have to admit it. Every once in a while you say "Open Sesame" while walking up to an automatic door.

   I think Ciabatta is just Italian for stale.

   When you're compl-aining about busy strangers staring at their cellphones- instead of you-, I’ll call you an idle attention $eeker wh0rre chi-ld.

   Curing cancer. That's what you better do with all that free time you're saving up by spelling you "u".

   As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".

   There's a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.

   Just when you start to feel like you're #1, God throws a blue turtle shell.

   If you love someone set them free, if they don't come back, txt them when your drunk...

   If you love someone set them free, if they don't come back hunt them down and beat the snot out of them.

   In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.

   How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife's clothes.

   I'm so upset! I just got a hole in my jeans. Damnit!! And they were my favourite torn jeans. I only wanted three holes, not four.

   Having your cake and eating it too is just code for cheating on your diet...or your spouse

   If I bite the bottom of my lip, it's not because I want you. It's because I have a piece of skin hanging off it that I'm trying to get off.

   You look like a good reason to drink.

   lost all my contacts on my phone