Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When you think your life couldn't be any more pathetic, remember some people have more than 1 Facebook account.

   Facebook taught me to mind everyone else's business.

   My attractive feature is that sometimes I go away.

   My seduction technique is to make things awkward and then not talk to you for a while

   I'm going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.

   Dear P0rnhub, A category called "oh, you have kids?" with videos no longer than 3 minutes. Thanks, Parents

   If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.

   No LinkedIn, I do not want to display my Twitter on my profile. I would actually like to keep my chances of getting a job above zero.

   Lacrosse...when it comes to sports, you are one big h0m0. I meant that in a nice way.

   I hate when I get to work and I'm at work.

   The Cubs are so bad that the last time they won a World Series, the team photo was an oil painting.

   If you are offended by the opinions I express then you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.

   ..... So the first picture of Ben Affleck as Batman was released today!!! Question: When is Hollywood going to realize that they are never going to be able to replace the greatest Batman of all time ..... Adam West?

   A violent outburst like that can only mean one thing...Jay-Z pushed all the floor buttons at one time.

   White girls with weaves... No. Bad white girl.

   Sometimes “Girl's night out” means she has just taken her bra off

   If I hear this HAPPY song one more time...

   I just lost all my phone contacts so please don't send me yours!

   I'd punch Jay-z too. His face is stupid.

   ou can't make me believe there's a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.