Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Saw a guy in a trucker hat, with a handle bar moustache, wearing a bowtie, carrying a stack of records with an iguana on his shoulder walking down the street. Didn't think it was possible to OD on hipster

   A blind man walked into a bar. And into a chair...and into a table...and into a wall...

   How psychiatrists can't be a serial killer when they describe them so well?!

   I'm thinking about buying an exercise bike, my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won't accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.

   Hi. You haven't seen me much lately. I have a new boyfriend. The one from before who I caught with another girl. But I took him back. So there, h8ers!

   This status is brought to you by the makers of Fug detergent. If Duz won't do it and Rinso won't rinse it, Fug it.

   To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that

   I was holding my girlfriend's hair as she was puking and she farted at the same time. We broke up because I couldn't stop laughing.

   sometimes as I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say “you’re in charge while I’m gone.”

   Careful...I've already had our entire fight in my head and it doesn't end well for you.

   I think the book "Charlottes Web" would've been a better book if Charlotte was evil and out to get Wilber. Instead of writing "some pig" she should've wrote "Links or Patties". And yelled "Ill get you pig!" As she crawled away

   Here's a list of people who have time for that - 1) Nobdy

   I almost sent you a real birthday card but thankfully my Internet connection came back.

   I'm mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.

   Yes. Is time travel possible?

   If Hillary is elected President, at least we only have to pay her 300K...

   I have a dream that one day Martin Luther King will come back to our world and kick the owner of the Clippers square in the nuts.

   Hawaiian Airlines is now offering new "open seating" in the wheel well section.

   Facebook features three types of women: hot, photoshopped hot, and a dog for a profile pic.

   Don Sterling in trouble for freedom of speech!!!