Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Unless you're Roy bloody Rogers, or a Texas oil tycoon, I don't want to see anyone in a GaDern bolo tie

   Pandora just suggested that I listen to a preview of Nick Cannon's new album and technology has never made me this angry before.

   If I had a dollar for everytime my sexuality has been questioned, I could buy a BAD AZZ HARLEY, and a super cute pair of riding boots.

   A couple in their 80's decided to date. The woman asked the man right off the bat about sex. "What about sex....how often do you expect to have sex?" The man said, "In-frequently." She goes, "Is that one word, or two?"

   Dear Paycheck...I only see you on Fridays...I really wish you would stick around at least through the weekend....

   That 1/4 mile of blindness, before the defrost kicks in...

   I just realized something. Rosie O'Donnell reminds me of a circus bear in a pantsuit.

   I must have a great butt because every time I walk away from my coworkers I always hear 'What an ass'

   If bigger is better...explain lesbians.

   I'm that person who forgets to wish someone a happy birthday on Facebook but waits til they thank everyone in a post and my comment is always, " You're welcome, let's do it again same time and place next year"

   It must take a lot of self-control to work in a bubble wrap factory.

   Twice in one week auto-correct has ruined possible relationships with big girls. One changed, "I miss you, sweetie"...to sweaty. And the other: "It's been been many moons since I heard your voice" to many moos.

   I don't know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.

   Those that still can't believe it's not butter have margarinal faith.

   Love Coco Puffs. Hate Popo Cuffs.

   I'm sorry I keyed your car, but you didn't text me good morning.

   lesbians use BIG strap-ons ;-)

   It's a damn shame that all the people who avoid me can't just come to terms with being in love with me.

   When I see a beautiful young lady with a really old or ugly dude, I think the same thing as everyone else....How rich is that guy?

   Dear police: if you're going to racial profile, how about you check out the white boy dressed like he's in the matrix