Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   One day, you'll be just a memory for some people,so do your best to be a good one.

   Not only am I a master of suspense but I

   I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.

   Hotel showers have 2 settings. It's either "gently peeing on you" or "DEAR GOD, THIS IS GOING TO RIP MY NIPPLES OFF!"

   Coffee so black the police plant evidence on it.

   If you love something, set it free... If it returns, it probably can't pay its student loans.

   You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they're flying too close together?

   Starting to think this 30 minute documentary about the amazing Shark vacuum cleaner might be a commercial.

   Got thrown out of the theater during the Superman movie but,, I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.

   The difference between what you say and who you are is what you do.

   It's throw back Thursday (chugs a beer).

   Know what more people in this world need?????? Exit wounds.

   I like pressing F5. It's so refreshing.

   Its 2014, I shouldnt have to rip open my tampon wrapper with my teeth.

   The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.

   I don't need pants that fit at the waist anymore. I'm getting a Moo Moo.

   You're getting a cow? Maybe you mean a Muu Muu.

   When the zombie apocalypse finally starts I'm grabbing a big hammer and running straight to the graveyard to play the most awesome game of Whack-A-Mole ever.

   So would the ACLU defend me if I protested and burned down ACLU headquarters?

   Look, all I'm saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".