Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sorry I started a fight in the middle of your parking lot pARtyy- F.Gump

   Your check a$$hole light is on.

   Coming from someone who writes "a Atlas" #ignorant #anAtlas

   Ladies, telling a man about your menstrual cramps is like…(can someone finish this joke please)

   A woman`s biggest temptations ~ bags, shoes, & gossips. A man`s biggest temptation ~ a woman !!

   Don't speak unless you can improve the silence.

   i hate when people think their special and that my p0sts are about them....

   I hate when I comment on someone’s status and they totally misinterpret my comment and I have to explain myself.

   THAT'S IT,,, I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN......................... * My Tombstone

   Apparently when you walk in and your boss is listening to" Sister Christian ".... You AREN'T supposed to ask if it's couples skate only

   For Sale: Gently used Boeing 777. Everything looks to be there except black box. Comes with like 257 tourists & new rims. No weirdos or checks.

   At my funeral play the Super Mario original theme until my casket is lowered in the ground then play the underground music

   "All I asked was for a sandwich and a BJ"....... - My Tombstone

   Bobby, that Facebook is the Devil! But mama, she showed me her status and I liked it too!

   What if they're looking for a "ping" but it's really a "pong?" Airplane jokes are really the in thing.

   Maybe that plane doesn't want to be found, have you ever think about that?

   One time I lost my phone for 6 days, so I feel your struggle Malaysia.

   Black mothers be like "your dad was on that Malaysia flight."

   everything that glitters is not gold and every wing isnt chicken

   'tipsy' is not in my vocabulary... It's 'drunk' or 'sober'.