Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   This year I'm getting my Valentine a new phone case. I know it doesn't sound very romantic, but my Valentine is my phone.

   I'm still trying to figure out my wife's logic from an argument we had in 2003.

   If you didn't want me looking in your bedroom then you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.

   It was Judy Garland who went Over the Rainbow you a$$hat!

   So now that she's dead, we can start putting booze in her drink. Right?

   I bet the first guy to get his woman flowers was like, "What's something that'll start out beautiful, but quickly die like my relationship?"

   I think the Shriley Temple/Judy Garland status was a joke. The guy says oh.......AS#WIPE

   mother nature... turning february into white history month...

   Congratulations to Whitney Houston for being sober two years . . .

   I LOVE JESUS, you don't have to be a bitter atheist about it, I'm just expressing my sentiment with the majority of the people here. I LOVE JESUS

   Bruce Jenner looks like a FREAK ! Damn Dude, enough with the plastic surgery and hair implants...just grow old gracefully!

   I LOVE JESUS TOO...he's my mexican lover.

   It's so cold out I just saw a white person wearing tube socks with their shorts.

   If you didn't want me looking in your bedroom why did you put your window at the same height as my ladder?

   The Olympians stories are amazing.. The ukrainian whose whole family was killed, the korean who escaped slavery, the american who never had wifi.

   Jesus Love You is a good thing to hear in church but a bad thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

   Auto correct did me in. I've been seeing a girl who perspires a little when we have s-e-x. Hot. I typed, "Hi, sweety", and it changed it ti, "Hi, sweaty." Now she won't take my calls.

   Twerking and Selfie have been added to the dictionary. Future and Optimism have been removed.

   "all dressed up and nowhere to go" atheist tombstone

   If walking to car on a frozen driveway was in the olympics I would take the gold. So graceful when I almost fall down.