Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just did the Facebook movie thingy. Mine came back rated R

   I just tried to view on my Facebook (a look back) movie and had to agree that I was 18 or older before proceeding.

   I'm having a really bad hair day. All the humidity at this pool is making my hair frizzy, unmanageable, and hang outside my Speedo.

   There are ancient caveman hieroglyphics on Joan Rivers' uterine walls.

   Seriously, does it really look like I want to see videos of so many losers on the Face!

   If Kenny Rogers, Cher and Bruce Jenner stood right by a really hot radiator,,, who do you think would melt first?

   Joe Namath's coat saw it's shadow... 6 more weeks of winter.

   Watching these individualized Facebook movies while I am alone stinks. There's no one to ask "What did she just do? or Who is that guy?"

   it's such a turn on when my bf can take my bra off with one hand..

   Valet parking is just Canadian car jacking.

   They’re gathering information by going through our trash. Learning. Plotting. Raccoons haven’t forgotten that we used to wear them as hats.

   Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They're always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.

   I cant think of a single life situation that cannot be improved by wearing tear away pants.

   Screaming "Autobots, ROLL OUT" at someone in a wheelchair isn't funny. Everyone knows handicapped people are Decepticons................and my place in Hell is secured for the day.

   My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses and play scrabble. SCIENCE!

   You'd think the only people on Earth who could teleport would be working for the military instead of State Farm.

   Why was your bf wearing your bra?

   Making popcorn for these Facebook movies.

   Ken Ham: Purple Monkey Dishwasher.

   Facebook movie. Well played NSA.