Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Once in a while I like to pretend I hear something they dont. It drives them crazy....." -Every stupid household dog

   I finally got my shtt together but now it's too heavy to lift.

   I am the only one who talks to his dog and then pretends like he is talking back?

   "Im not sure if I actually have some free time on my hands, or if I'm just forgetting to come up with a really good posst?

   Every since we got a Handicap permit, It's like everybody got one and I can't never find Handicap parking Now.

   Will you be my Alentine? If so, later I will give you the V.

   Why can't I find out anything on Google about this Superb Owl

   Hey Auto-Correct,,, The intensive porpoises are here.. They say you have something for them.. Yes, all of them

   Oh well.. There is still time for Justin Bieber to accidentally over dose. . .

   You are a pain in the ovaries!

   You want to look through my medicine cabinet? Fine. Just don't look through my nightstand.

   Ladies don't call a guy you are not romantically interested encouraging things like "babe", "love" or "hun". This is will only give the poor sods false hope.

   I don't mind if you talk behind my back. It puts you in a better position to kiss my a$$.

   I had too much to drink so I did the right thing and walked home from the bar instead of driving. Then I got busted for public intoxication. FML.

   You called me "Honey." You brought me dinner. You met my family. And now you tell me you are just a waitress doing your job?

   The terminator and my ex have a lot in common. They both said they'd be back.

   When Valentine's day is round the corner, all Forever alone people start enumerating the benefits of being single.

   I don't want to say you're unattractive, but do they have face transplants?

   I have so many different drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it..,,........Addictionary.

   ts not attractive to constantly look surprised! So get your crayons out and sketch a different pair of eyebrows please