Funny Status Messages

   considering buying a GPS for Mr. Sand Man, he seems to be lost and hasn't made it to her house the last three nights!!!

   had many people walk into her life and made it great. She has had many people walk out of her life and made it f*cking fantastic!!!

   off to see the wizard......apparently the brain he gave her doesnt work!!!

   your so vain you probably think this status is about you.

   suggests wearing an INS badge to Home Depot if the checkout lines are too long.

   This girl asked to take me out to dinner, I told her sorry I have a girlfriend. Her response... "Eatin' ain't cheatin'."

   In the Beginning, God made the Heaven and Earth. The rest was Made in China.

   I don't like how Facebook asks "What's on your mind?" I usually just lie and live with the guilt.

   Actually it only takes me 1 drink to get drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the 14th or 15th.

   I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldn't have to go downstairs and be disappointed.

   Don't Kanye me!!! or I'll Chris Brown yo a$$... and Tiger Woods your mother!

   On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?

   The biggest lie ever: I have read and agree to the terms of use.

   Women are like newspapers, you should really get your own and stop borrowing your neighbor's.

   ˜Sort of" shouldn't be used in certain phrases. Like after "I love you" or "You're going to live" or "It's a boy."

   Hand jobs are like the WNBA a cheap imitation of something that men do better.

   there is a great need for sarcasm font.

   Why do the guys at Footlocker get so mad when they can't force you to buy socks or extra shoe cleaner.

   Alcohol induced dreams make for all sorts of entertainment.

   Don't you hate it when people call or text you at 5 or 6am just to ask you "whats up?"... I mean really? I am now. thank you!!.."