Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I think married people should spend a lot of time experimenting sexually. Unless the name of the experiment is "Let's see how long I can make him go without sex".

   I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back. . .

   Bumper sticker: Sorry for driving so close in front of you...

   Obituaries are the first thing my Nana checks in the paper on Saturdays... I think she enjoys getting through to the next round.

   I'm happiest when I'm asleep. It's my little temporary death.

   People who say, "Never mind" after bringing something up really piss me off. Why did you bring it up in the first place?

   Oh dear god. Please get these feelings off of me.

   Unless your pickup line is: I have a full time job and I'm ready for commitment... I'm not interested.

   To the woman who long ago decided she'd just put a pen*s in her mouth for the fun of it, your application for sainthood has been filed.

   "Really???" - Barbie, the first time she saw Ken without pants

   an episode of Cougar Town? No, sorry. I have plans on watching my car rust

   During love making she said "deeper" so I rolled over and started reading her poetry.

   When a dumb chick takes her boyfriend back after catching him cheating on her, 90% of the time he will celebrate by cheating again.

   Justin Bieber arrested for DUI and street racing. He was under the influence of drugs and was incoherent. He resisted arrest without violence and didnt have a drivers license. There is no joke here, the headline is funny enough on its own merit.

   Justin Bieber, why you no die drag racing like Paul Walker?

   If you axe me I be hatin' Ebonics.

   Jennifer Aniston's acting has the emotional range of the volleyball in Castaway.

   There is a thin line between girlfriend allowance and a prostitute's fee. Jokes.

   Wishing death on someone ain't cool. Except when it's your ex, wish for a cruel death.

   Look, I am fed up with the gays demanding and ordering what they want. You are sick People. You have an Illness that needs a cure. Stop badgering the Normal people because you feel you need to express your sickness.