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500,000 people signed up for Obamacare and the McRib is back... You do the math. 
Memo from Santa: Due to the rising cost of coal, this year people on the naughty list will be receiving Nickelback CDs.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP,,, until you have something someone else needs
I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beer.
JOHN 12:49 - For I did not speak of my own ACCORD. Translation - Jesus drove a HONDA but he did not boast about it.
You know it was a good christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass.
Have you noticed that it's only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
I drove by a house today that had about 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting in the North Pole and there were no survivors.
Do you think in Heaven there is going to be a "White" Christian caucus? A "Black" Christian club? Think again. When we leave this earth, we leave this physical body behind which includes your skin color.
The average age of the viewing audience of "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is probably 35-45 years old.
Cougar sightings in my neighborhood over the past couple days... I'm going to lay out a trap in my yard with Journey's 'Greatest Hits' and a nice cabernet.
"Duck Tales" is the original duck dynasty.
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present
When is Dennis Rodman going to realize that he will be executed as soon as the North Korean basketball team he is training loses their first game???
I will be your Santa if you'll be my hoe hoe hoe!!!
I'm so glad to be done with my running around town for the day, and away from the crowded bumping, pushing, honking, cussing, yelling holiday spirit during this most wonderful time of the year.
I'm not a reIigious person, I dont believe in a god, but that wont stop me from wishing you all a MERRY CHRlSTMAS!!!
There will soon come a time were I can not voice my OPINION by saying,"I HATE vile Brussels Sprouts!!" For fear of offending Farmers and the general population. So consider yourselves informed.
Ugh,,, This oatmeal tastes like It's gonna need a donut.
I test drove a BMW and much to my surprise,,, ALL the blinkers worked!................ Explain that,, All you owners 