Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I can't tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela's funeral?

   I feel like I'm currently in hell's waiting room.

   The Economist has calculated that the world is 52 trillion dollars in debt. Who on earth does the world owe? Jupiter?!!

   Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it's given me another reason to stare.

   I only wish google could answer things like "what's the name of the lady seated next to me"

   To my unborn children,relax dad is still trying to figure out the best mum for you.You will not suck a TATOOed breast I promise you

   My ex posted a pic captioned, "Just me" and I commented, "Yes just you and your 7 personalities" Now I am deleted and blocked.

   That's great and all. But the question is, can you hold that yoga pose while I'm inside you?

   Hey guys if your girlfriend still has pics of her ex on there Facebook Your doomed they have not moved on

   I'm 28 years old, but in marriage years, I'm dead on the inside.

   Of course I act my age. I'm old enough to buy alcohol, tobacco and fire arms.

   I'd insult your intelligence if you had any. Sadly, your stupidity has no boundaries.

   Every time my kids ask for help with their math homework, I play dead

   Went a week without taking a selfie. Where's my Medal of Honor, Obama?

   The new breakup line: "It's not you. It's your timeline."

   We have so much in common, you want to travel, I want you to go.

   I'll wait for you at the finish line, I'm taking a cab.

   This bottle of Jack Daniels and I are gonna need a do not disturb sign and a safe word tonight.

   I decided to become a vegetarian once but gave it up when I realized pork isn't a vegetable...

   Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms should be a convenience store; not a government agency.