Funny Status Messages

   would explain my awesomeness to you, but your brain would just explode...

   When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am?

   Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

   issuing a warning ,Red Bull will not give you wings

   If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

   In my office there's a light switch that doesn't do anything... Every so often, I turn it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Stop that!"

   If a transvesite goes missing, would youu put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

   If you want your children to listen to you, try talking softly to someone else

   menstruation.menopause.mental breakdowns...ever notice how all womens problems begin with men?

   Halloween is coming ... and you know what that means. An excuse for every girl to dress slutty and get away with it.

   "In Super Mario, as in life, its Game Over when you get the girl!!!"

   that you shouldn't base your life on what other people think!

   hey vegitarians...my food poops on your food!

   Dear politicians: don't kid yourself for a moment that I'll believe a single word you say in the next month. Seriously. Save your breath.

   does find it very funny that on the news they have immigrants who want to vote Tory !! just like turkeys voting for christmas ... they might aswell vote BNP !! buy hey , at least they won`t have to pay a higher tax rate !!

   Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I'm wide awake. Not sure who won, though.

   silence is golden but duck tape is silver

   People want a RELATIONSHIP, but always find themselves in a RELATIONSH!T.......Which one are you in?

   Sometimes I pickup laborers from Home Depot, but they always seem to run away when I get to the immigration dept. Go figure.

   I am a responsible worker. When anything goes wrong, the boss says I'm responsible for it.