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The Redskins traded three 1st round picks and a 2nd round pick to get RGIII. All he has done this year is "Subway" commercials....maybe they save face and trade him for acouple of $5 footlongs 
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn't ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
If a chick ask what kind of cologne you got on you gotta lie & tell her Axe body spray cause she most likely gonna buy it for her boyfriend.
Just made my CVS receipt from purchasing a single pack of gum into an entire "Roll of Toilet Paper"
My iPhone is like a time machine. I go to spend a couple of minutes on Twitter and Facebook and suddenly it's an hour later
The winner of the Scripps National Spelling Bee is awarded an engraved trophy... The loser is given an ingraived plack.
I was changing the oil in the wife's car whilst listening to the A-Team TV show music on my iPod. Somehow 7 minutes later it seems she now owns an armoured bus.
It's universal, to point out old skool soda cans and chip bags during classic movies.
It’s scary to be a woman on a blind date. For all she knows the man she is meeting up with could be a rapist, a murderer, or, God forbid, a politician
There is a new Flu Shot for the Window 8 computers
When wearing a baseball cap a BRO may position the brim at either 12 or 6 oclock. All other positions are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.
A good wife always forgive's her husband when she's wrong..
Top Gun was so unrealistic,,, Everyone knows Tom Cruise can't reach the clutch on a motorcycle.
I will never forget my grandmas last word; TRUCK!
I'm not complaining... I'm just saying it would be pretty bad ass if boobs were filled with coffee.
Guys - if you wanna see her boobs make her laugh. If the laughter is violent enough... sometimes they pop out.
I see you're unhappily married. Yes, please, take your anger out on happy single people.
Self control for a teenage girl is seeing a mirror and not practicing your duck face.
Okay, coffee's kicked in. What were you saying? Oh, sorry. Let me get that duct tape off your mouth.
Flat screens are nice and all,but they'll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids. 