Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Headline in the paper: "Woman beats off rapist!" Well, that was probably a fair trade anyway.

   I've got two chickens to paralyze!!! - Eddie Money

   I'm high on life! And pot. Well...mostly pot. But I love life! Probably because of pot.

   Its real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.

   See how everyone forgot... The comet that will be here on December 25th, is just one of Santa's Reindeers

   "Luke, I am your father." - Darth Vader, after he found out Luke has money.

   Oh me? Just sitting around the office explaining Facebook to my Boss...... If anybody asks it's $49.99 to join & I discuss a lot of DIY projects in my status updates.

   I play this awesome drinking game where I take a shot at every red light...and this is why I'm not allowed to adopt children.

   There is no difference between a camel and a moose...unless you're looking at their toes and their knuckles.

   Sometimes I laugh so hard, tears run down my leg.

   I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

   OK. Who wants to put on a bear costume and go on a rampage tearing apart the tents of people camping outside of Best Buy for Black Friday?

   Perhaps Bieber wouldn't need to vandalize walls with graffiti if the restaurants that he goes to would offer him a coloring menu with crayons

   When in doubt...Turn the music up.

   Statistically speaking, once I introduce you to my family there's a 100% chance we won't work out as a couple

   This status, is guaranteed not to be on an E Card

   Listening to Ke$ha yodel over a country techno beat while Pitbull barks in Spanish has been the most confusing experience of my adult life

   I'm pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison

   i am going antiquing! at my age that means I am looking for chicks

   This outbreak of storms is like p or n to the meteorologist's!!!