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I sat in my stand for hours with not one deer coming by. Then in a matter of minutes, I bag 4 big bucks! Thanks to the Deer Hunter Game, my morning wasn't a total loss. 
"If you like your insurance, you can keep it" is the new "I did not have sεx with that woman, Monica Lewinski" Only difference is now millions and millions of Americans are being taken advantage of by a sneaky guy in the Oval Office ...
Wishing all my friends a joyous, happy, and prosperous New Year. (If retail stores can jump the gun....)
What happens in her mouth, Stays in her mouth.
Guys: I like you Girls: What does that mean? Who else have you said that to? Put a baby in me. Women: Thanks
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I'm guessing we still have a chance.
Money and traditional infidelity are still the top 2 reasons for divorce but Facebook can't be far behind.
I don't get why women panic over taking pregnancy tests. I would've jumped at the chance of peeing on all my tests when I was in school
How come there's never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you've put the body in?
If I wasn't married, a twelve pack of toilet paper would last me three years.
More often than not sadly... The three phases of love: 1.XOXO 2. XXX 3.EX
It would be a good day if one could afford to even shoot their Ak ;)
My old VHS s ex tape is probably at some garage sale somewhere labeled "Crocodile Dundee II"
I'm just a girl. A girl who is standing before a man who is standing before another woman in front of another man at Taco Bell.
Where are you going on Thanksgiving? Also, where do you keep your valuables?
Imagine the sheer horror in kid's face when you tell the "When I was born there was no internet".
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while you are waiting.
We all at one time or another, were the Gods of Sea Monkeys...
A Democrat was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She said 'go ahead ask me, I know'em all.' Her friend said "ok what's the capital of Wisconsin?' She said 'Oh that's an easy one....it's "W" 