Funny Status Messages

   I just put child locks on all my cabinets, trash cans and cupboards. Now let's see those kids get out of there.

   If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.

   Research says laughter can lengthen your life and smoking shortens it. So, I always chuckle between puffs.

   A horse told me not to drive home last night.I think there was a cop on top of it.

   tends to seek forgiveness later rather than ask for permission now.

   ahh young love.Full of promise,full of hope.Ignorant of reality.Not all guys can turn into vampires n watch you sleep at night..am jus sayin.

   ..thinks a toaster should give some sort of an indication when it's going to pop instead of scaring the crap out of me when it does!!

   This is not the greatest status message in the world. No this is just a tribute!

   Wants everyone to be careful today! Please try to stay within a 10 mile radius of your home! I just found out that if everyone moved around too much the United States may capsize!! We seem to be in a good balance right now, lets keep it that way people!

   just because I rock doesnt mean I'm made of stone

   did my taxes yesterday.. seemed like a perfectly legitimate way to defraud the Government

   I never realized how much I cuss until I had to add all those 4 letter words to my phones dictionary. I am not ducking crazy, piece of shirt !

   feeling sofa king great today!!!!!

   -- I've just invented a wireless, battery-free, hand operated hair-dryer.....I'm calling it a 'Towel'. .....

   survived April Fools Day without being pranked, however there was a baby on my doorstep this morning, but i'm pretty sure thats unrelated.

   I've heard Drug Addiction, Smoke Addiction, Alcohol Addiction, Gamble Addiction... but TECHNOLOGY Addiction, now that's new!

   They say every cigarette you smoke takes 7 minutes off your life. I have now officially removed the adult-diaper years...

   I can't find my "Where's Waldo" book. Looks like he's won before we even started.

   I finally organized my clutter desktop. now I have everything in one tidy folder-labled "Desktop".

   Remembers how much better nostalgia used to be.