Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Can you change the ugly foot there on the right > with the fungus on it from adchoice> > > >

   *Doctor enters room*.."I'm going to be blunt with you".. *whips out a huge joint*.."Let's light-up".. Nice.."BTW, you've got epilepsy".. Nice

   I wish there was a kick under table for people who share their embarrassing photos and staff on Internet.

   Her insomnia was so bad; she couldn't sleep during office hours. :))

   They should invent an alarm clock that if I press snooze more than three times, it automatically shouts out, “You’ve made a fool of me and yourself.” :))

   I found the G spot. It's at the end of "shopping."

   I've watched pretty woman about 3 times tonight.Note to self hookers get millionares.

   Dear Straight People: Take Justin Bieber back. We don't want him either. -G@y People

   Calm down check out guy, you don't have to inspect my $20 so hard, If I was talented enough to make my own, I wouldn't be in Quickie Mart.

   I hate when my customers send angry emails to my boss just because I answered all of their questions with "Google it, f*ckface."

   All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don't get into relationships.

   Scooby Doo taught us that the real monsters are humans.

   Furlough 5k Fun Run......It will be fun... When you finished the race you get sent home with nothing ...

   I heard the Buffalo Bills are selling a new item.....Player numbered hospital gowns.....

   Fact: The 2013 Boston Red Sox have more beard weight than any team in Major League Baseball history.

   I trained a raccoon to play dead in the front yard...Okay, I hit him with the truck but the end result is the same thing.

   Jimmy's life would have been so much better if he had been taught to do the Hokey Pokey rather than just cracking corn.

   Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?

   I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...

   America was not shutdown properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare and without corrupt politicians? (Recommended)