Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Cryogenically freeze yourself until they discover a cure for male pattern baldness.

   Don't eat glass. Trust me on this one

   There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

   Francis Bean is 21 years old. Sleep on that, universe.

   and maybe learn to use the right kind of bale also!

   For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.

   Tebow remains unsigned. God delays game once again.

   Gov. Chriatie pledges $15mil to repair NJ boardwalk. Will raise money by going on a diet...

   I had a grammar once, she was good at baking cookies.

   Girls, what's your deal with your birthday? You get one day, not a week, not a month. Get over yourself...

   Addicts Anonymous. How may I help you?" "Can I speak to the cocaine councillor?" "Can you hold? He's on another line at the moment

   Definition of "irony" getting pregnant on a pull-out couch

   Instead of not giving a sh*t, working from home has allowed me to have a great conference call with Senior Management while taking a sh*t.

   I'd stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.

   I find it curious that Kermit sings about how hard it is being green but nothing about screwing a pig.

   You'd think when a movie lists the cast "In Order of Appearance", they'd go from best-looking to ugliest but no...

   What kind of wine goes best with laundry?

   I never trust the emotional stability of women who wear Mickey Mouse shirts.

   Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.

   don't you just love those who have no education who spout their ridiculous uninformed views all over the place?