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The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria. 
If girls didn't need guys there wouldn't be a 'man' in woman.
Imagine how much more seriously Jesus would've been taken if he rode around on a stallion and not a donkey.
When you say lazy, you mean regular lazy or Wolverine lazy? THAT MAN HAS BLADES IN HIS FREAKING KNUCKLES AND STILL DOESN'T SHAVE REGULARLY!
A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
What's the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
A Jehovah witness closely follows opportunity,hides behind it and waits for it to knock on your door.
If Monday was a person it would be a fat ginger girl who likes horses and tells the teacher when you cheat.
Behind every fat man, there is a woman. Frying and stuff.
In 10 years time people who currently like Miley, Bieber, Lady Gaga and One Direction will make decisions about your health care. Sleep well.
If I had a dollar for every time I've had sex, I'd be a really affordable prostitute.
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you've proven that you are not an idiot.
5 years ago I met my wife, the love of my life and my baby momma. It was awkward at first, but they all seem to be getting along now.
I just explained Google images to my mom. "Pick anything to search for..." I told her. "What about a nice cream pie?" She asked... "Except that." I replied
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you're job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.
Thank God Zimmerman's wife and father-in-law weren't wearing a Hoodie and didn't have any Skittles on them!
If Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus were both drowning at the same time.....what kind of sandwich would you make
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
Never mix Vi@gra with Iron supplements. They cause you spin around and point North.
Really smart Jehovah witnesses follow the FedEx Truck and pizza delivery man on Saturdays. 