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I'm running out of reasons not to stab you. 
i like that you try to compete with me. At least you have a goal...unrealistic and unatainable, but at least its a goal!
it doesn't matter if you don't like my personality... I have several more!
I feel a spree coming on... Now its up to you.... Shopping or Killing?
"Help, I've fallen and can't get up. No, wait! It's comfy down here. Can someone pass me a pillow? And the remote
Thanks for the suggestion, serving size... I've had a good laugh,, and will now make you feel stupid for being so wrong.
I'm Mandela's grandson and have all his leadership skills , follow me
Game of Thrones is totally going to win the "Most Unrealistic Pubic Hair in a Medieval Drama" Emmy this year.
a social drinker. You're having one? Well so-cial I!
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
Looks like it's probably going to to be a "guilty of manslaughter" verdict. Women are emotional and probably don't want to upset the prosecutor or defense so I predict they will choose a "compromise verdict" of guilty of manslaughter.
my girlfriend says I'm great in bed because I can sleep the whole day.
My life would be so much better if I was dead.
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people.
Too many people confuse "justice" with "revenge."
I've fallen! And I can't reach my beer!
Wine is a fruit, right?!
I'm a better person than I was yesterday, but still not as good as I can be tomorrow
Surprise jumps on the back is for 160 lbs and under women only.....any thing over is a tackle
Companies that are using technology to go paperless aren't putting iPads in the toilet stalls for wiping. 