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Well, the body scanner at the airport triggered them to search me in 3 areas.. My chest, my ass and my right front pocket area... Guess the gym is paying off. 
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
God couldn’t be everywhere so he created mothers. Satan couldn’t be everywhere so he created loud chewers.
You know how when a musician dies radio stations play his songs back to back all day? Here’s to praying Lil Wayne lives forever.
Officer, I resent your accusatory tone & choice of words... FYI: She is my ‘trunk guest’,,, I served her ‘refreshments’,,, and she is ‘in repose’
Corvette....Helping men compensate for small wieners since 1953.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don't know what i'm doing, someone else does.
Corvettes. Helping poor men pretend they have big dongs since 1953...
Corvettes... Making haters hate since 1953.
Weed is legal in 2 states. Having s3x with a horse is legal in 23. Good job, America.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective
Maybe nobody loves you because you're boring and needy. Calm down, I said maybe.
CNN BREAKING NEWS. JURORS IN THE GEORGE ZIMMERMAN TRIAL HAVE ORDERED TUNAFISH SANDWICHES ON WHOLE WHEAT, AND SWEET TEA.
Discussion of Corvettes. Making people argue and act little weinies since 2013.
If my girl dance with another guy she flirting with death
I pooped the other day and called it Peter. That is the closest I have come to playing Call of Duty.
I joke on Paula Deen being racisst but if she start a plantation with free food I'd be right there like Samuel L Jackson in Django.
After a night out home with girls, they brought me home with their car. As I entered my crib, I shouted"Thanks for the RIDE girls...and bringing me home.
Coffee, You're on the bench. Alcohol...suit up!
Stop saying that I'm hard to shop for. Surely you know where the Liquor store is.... 