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I willing to bet all those students with sick student loans weren't business majors... 
first rule of fight club is no fighting. welcome to contradicton club everyone have a seat and dont have a seat. also this isnt contradicton club
*christopher walken giving tour of apt* this is my.. walken closet. and these boots. these boots were made.. *long unnecessary pause* for walken
"We support gay marriages!!" Signed, wedding planners and divorce lawyers.
Surprise sex is the best way to wake up... unless you're in prison
Some of you are so dumb, I don't even know how you found the internet.
♫ ♫ I don't know what to do. I don't now WHAT to DO. High ho the dairy ho....I think I'll just drink some wine ♪ ♪
911: What's your emergency? Me: Do you think I'm pretty
People who give an unconditional credit to the work of original thinker, writer and doer, deserve an equal plaudit. JOKES they deserve a kick in the ass.
Women use more words to drop subtle hints than to actually tell the thing.
Dear advertisers. I'm playing a game I downloaded for free. What about me screams I want to buy your product?
Please stop praying for my grandpa you are making him too strong. He broke out of the hospital & cops say their tasers don't work on him :(
Guys, putting the word “Swag” in your Bio is a good way of telling girls you didn't finish school & your job is selling crack on the corner.
Paula Dean is currently at home watching the George Zimmerman trial in disgust.
Never under estimate the predictability of stupidity.
The only reason I drink is to celebrate not being dead.
That which does not kill you, disappoints me.
I did the dishes, baby. And don’t worry I only broke 37 of them. Oh I did the laundry too. You wanted the whites pink now, right?
Whenever a friend shows me a picture of their boyfriend who's unattractive & they say "he's a keeper" I'm thinking, "yeah in the basement"
I bet guys called Brendan wish they could get the drugs their parents were taking when they were picking baby names. 