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I've gotten to the point where breathing makes me sweat. Then the exertion of sweating makes me sweat. 
I glued a beer bottle cap to my watch so that whenever I look at it, I know it's time to drink.
eating chilidogs in bed is a bad idea....dropped some....i don't know how to explain this at the laundrymat, let alone if my roommate walks by and sees me eating this off of my sheets.
as a proud bully, I am tired of being picked on and harassed by these antibully people.
I only support gay marriage because I am afraid to deal with what happened to me at summercamp....but I am straight
V I think the Supreme Court and most government officials went to the same summer camp
think I'm going to start plagiarizing myself.....wonder if I will get caught.
I remember yesterday like it was......................what is today's date again?
Eminem made a better Superman than Nolan.
I wish people could listen to me when I say listening is just a waste of time
You can't say you support gay marriages without being gay yourself. You are just a closet gay in serious denial.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!..
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
The D matters very little if you can't give her the O.
after a facebook arguement with you, I delete everything I wrote so as to make you look like a crazy stalker
The best things in life make no sense.
Many guys think all women are crazy. That's not true. If they knew one well enough, they wouldn't think that anymore. They'd know it first hand.
How Am I suppost to keep up this "Dreamy Hair",,, With wind's like this? LOL!
Paula Deen at home watching the Trayvon Martin case just licking the white part out of Oreos then stepping on the black parts
it is very hard to defend Nigerians as druglords with that big WHITE line on their national flag. 