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Apparently it isn’t chivalry if you’re in the ladies’ washrooms and you open doors to the stalls for them. 
Making love is just a fancy way of saying missionary.
If you're going to get all religious on me, I will post college pictures of you drunk...
Paula Dean will be on The Today Show on Wednesday to talk about her scandal and she will share her new recipes of food coverings for your foot before you stick it into your mouth.
That uneasy moment when you cant remember if you like her, miss her, hate her, love her, if you know her...
What's this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
Wondering how much I owe Columbia House on those Use your illusion tapes :/
I hope all you Heat fans are enjoying this
weather! This is what you wanted.
used to go to random weddings back in the day just to put a picture of his junk on every disposable camera.
1965-2008: Minorities should be able to vote. 2008, 2012: Black guy elected president. 2013: Let’s rethink that voting rights thing...
Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the racoons and squirrels that it can be done.
I decided to see how I looked with a beard. I didn't like it at first but it's growing on me.
While looking around at Babies R Us I noticed....Boobs are to men what Fisher-Price stacking rings are to babies. They feel good, are fun to play with, and always wind up in the mouth.
Ask.com is useless.... they have no idea where I put the remote either.
I got health insurance again! I get to go to a english speaking doctor
maybe I will knock one out before sportscenter
My mom talks into her cell phone like she just hit the cap lock key on her voice
Of all your flaws, the one that allows you to like me, is my favorite.
Picking up women at Jenny Craig meetings can be easy and rewarding but you must carefully weigh your options.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone. 