Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   What,,Are you a weekly magazine?,,,,, You've got ALOT of issues

   Why does no one ever take pics of their fast food to post on facebook? You want people to see your gourmet feasts, but not when you're woofing down a 20 piece nugget?

   My dog once licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree from Everest

   I really dont understand interventions. What's the point of being told I have a drinking problem by a room full of reasons why I drink too much in the first place.

   Given that you can be anything you want on the Internet... I really don't understand why so many women portray themselves as skeeO's

   Out of all the Socially Transmitted Diseases out there, I have Instagram is my favorite.

   Thank God for my mother being so horny 31 years ago or I could have just died a slow death in a sock.

   If someone hates you for no apparent reason give them one.

   i'm giving up dryer sheets for lint

   "Hi, Welcome to Abercrombie. Our sizes are; Small, X Small, Anorexic, Bulimic, and Malnourished."

   I have failed to remove all the jellies. I have shamed myself, and my ancestors.

   I'm not lost. I'm just exploring different ways of reaching nowhere.

   I hope Stanley doesn't get mad when the Bruins take his cup again.

   Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I just lie down until it goes away...

   WTF........... Just saw a duck smiling at me like a Facebook girl

   If on Father's day you don't post a picture of your dad carrying you as a baby, I'm not sure you really "love" him.

   Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.

   I'm a grown ass man. I don't play childish games. School was over for me a long time ago. Be honest, be true or be gone.

   I'm not shy around women. I'm realistic.

   Damn girl are you the new Superman movie? Cause I have no interest in seeing you.