bego Funny Status Messages

   I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss.

   The illbillies who inhabit the apartment above mine got karaoke machine. It's 1 am and they're singing Achy Breaky Heart.

   My six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside."

   I sent a Facebook friend request to the girl who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from her house.

   Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.

   8 year old kids today have Facebook, twitter, phones, iPod. When I was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.

   What so sad is when you're trying to get over someone you never even dated.

   Someone told me a while back. Your not in a relationship unless its official on Facebook. I just wanted to slap em right there.

   Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss.

   Some people can kill two birds with one stone.... I on the other hand can kill 2 pigs with one bird!

   Don't stand too close to the heater honey, plastic melts

   Ladies, if you can't be with your crush... always look fabulous. someday he may wanna be with YOU!

   Talking about me behind my back? That means my life is obviously more interesting than yours.

   Teacher: why are you late? Me: why does it matter? you still get paid, right?

   Since Facebook shows everyone when you like or comment to someone's pic. Wouldnt it be fair if it did the same when you remove someone? and the reason Why?

   When I say "It's a long story" to you, It usually means I just don't want to tell you or I'm just lazy to.

   FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run.

   If facebook showed how many times I visited your profile, I'm dead. 

   Whenever I wake up on my own, I am automatically thrown in a panic of whether or not I slept through my alarm.

   Yeah, I'm F.I.N.E., (F)alling apart, (I)nsecure, (N)eeding help, (E)verything's wrong.