Funny Status Messages

   Sarcastically Delicious!!!

   Damn my liver just pinched my ass,dosnt this green beer count?

   Dear haters, you cant fully find happiness if you cant just leave me alone to be happy

   I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.

   it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on facebook people that you do know, but deliberately choose not to be friends with?

   Not surprisingly, slow-cooked Leprechauns taste just like corned beef!

   Being called beautiful is miles better than hot or sexy..

   discovered some cereal killers. It's all so BASIC4. It was APPLE JACK and YUMMY MUMMY delivering a devastating PUNCH CRUNCH to their LUCKY CHARMS that took their CINNAMON LIFE.

   I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask "Mother,what was war?" -Eva Merriam.

   mutilating a Foreigner song, just to be an a$$. "He's a juice box hero, with straws in his eyes!"

   going to pounce on you like a spider-monkey on crack

   Happy Alcoholidays

   Dear Winter, I am breaking up with you. It's not me, it's you, you make me miserable. I think it's time I start seeing other seasons.

   saying, some people.... need a daily dose of... shut the f**k up!!!

   just decided to fire her personal trainer. It wasn't working out.

   With today being St Patricks day,I've decided to dedicate my life to helping leprechauns clean up thier act. They're always smoking the pot at the end of the rainbow.

   TOYOTA, ONCE YOU DRIVE ONE YOU'LL NEVER STOP

   IF YOU DONT LIKE MY OPINION OF YOU, YOU CAN ALWAYS IMPROVE

   So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

   asked the waitress what she recommended and she said the spinach dip was bangin'. Not quite sure how I feel 'bout that.