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Beer goggles don't exist…you knew what she looked like, but also figured you could get away with it because of all the shots of tequila you'd had. 
do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list...
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I'm going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You'll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.”
I had a wet dream about you last night... I pissed myself laughing when you fell off a cliff!
It's not even a booty call, it's a drive by... hit it and go.
just finished her first book!!! man, that was alot of coloring!!
You give new meaning to the saying "Beaten with an Ugly Stick," it looks more like you were smashed by the whole damn forest.
just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
I liked you until you farted and turned the MUSIC up like it was gonna cover the smell.
so drunk last night, had a blue tooth blinking into my ear and thought the cops were following me
If only closed minds came with closed mouths!!.....
Just out of curiousity....Does anyone know how to get blood out of clothes??? Better yet, carpet??? Thanks!!!
there is a thin line between sanity and insanity...and I just snorted it.
MAN'S POEM I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a s**t.
Tiger Woods has announced that he will return to golf at next months Masters. Also returning to golf ...television viewers
hired a russian housemaid today,it took her 5 hours to hoover the house....turns out she's a slovak.
Squirrels - Nature's Speedbumps
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door. Funny sense of humour my plumber has...
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