Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   It's a good thing I have Facebook. Otherwise I'd be doing something dumb right now like being efficient at my job.

   Do you want to make a difference? Be different.

   There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

   This years Thanksgiving challenge: See if you can sneak a bowl of Lucky Charms on the table.

   If three strikes in bowling is a turkey, then I wish you a happy XXX day tomorrow.

   One of the best situations in life is to be in a peer group where one person has a grudge against you, but everyone else really likes you.

   Too bad there isn't an option to hear the next five seconds after someone hits end on a call. Make no mistake that is when the truth comes out.

   Thanksgiving: The only day where it's American to stuff your face and be proud of it!

   Every time I pull a flash drive out of a computer I feel like a spy.

   There's nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change

   Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.

   These leftovers are gonna taste great in 3 hours.

   The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.

   "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek.

   Just bought someone I don't really like something they don't really need. But I saved 10 bucks!!

   "It sure is nice to not be out shopping." - sane people

   The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she's never around when I'm awake.

   My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's pissed that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   Good news: I can breathe out of one nostril a little! Bad news: I sound like a tea kettle.

   My life has a superb cast... I just can't figure out the plot.