Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   I don't know if my liver or heart hurts more during a break up...

   I'm afraid people can see me through my web cam even though its off.

   Whenever I get a message that begins with "Hey Stranger" I know I'm about to be asked for a favor by someone I don't want to help.

   Life is like a box of chocolates...I don't think so! Mine is more like a box of hand grenades...pull the wrong pin and everything goes flying!

   If I ever get summoned for jury duty, I plan on appearing in the courtroom in a puff of smoke and yelling, "WHO SUMMONED ME?"

   If you want proof that one person can make a difference, punch a stranger in the face.

   Please don't say you just had a newborn baby. If you say you just had a baby, the newborn part is assumed. No one thinks you just pushed a 12 year old out of your snatch.

   I hope someone gets a pic of Lil Wayne on his way out high-fiving T.I. on his way in.

   From now on if you type, "LOL" you should have to submit a video proving it.

   The snooze button is life's way of saying that waking up sucks.

   If it's your birthday this month, then you know your parents really enjoyed Valentine's Day.

   Immediately updating your relationship status on Facebook after a fight for the 10th time this week is annoying, cut it out.

   I say "haha" or "lol" in almost every single text message I write.

   I can hear the Pink Panther theme song playing inside my head. I may or may not be getting into all kinds of mischief this afternoon.

   Someone from Facebook Design should write about why they made the news feed font smaller. I just want to understand why.

   It's true we don't know what we've got until its gone, but we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

   I never quite know exactly what I'm talking about.

   Hey websites, I will always "skip intro", so knock it off.

   The world is at peace when you're eating a burrito.

   I'm wearing that smile you gave me.