Joser Funny Status Messages

   people will believe anything if you whisper it.

   I get blamed for everything. Looks like I have no choice but to run for president.

   First, Alaska brought us Sarah Palin. Now, "smoked salmon flavored vodka." Can we get a restraining order against them?

   I'm thinking of a number between one and who gives a sh*t

   Customs: "Do you have anything to declare?" Me: "I declare a thumb war?" Customs: "Security!" Me: "I mean rum! Lots and lots of rum!"

   I'd still choose rock over paper in a real fight.

   I'm starting to get a bit worried that Canada isn't going to win the World Cup this year.

   It's simply way too hot today for me to believe global warming is real.

   I wouldn't mind all the diving and faking in soccer if, at random times during each game, a trapdoor opened to a pit of hungry crocodiles.

   The dog keeps licking his butt and staring at me. I don't feel bad for him though. I tried to give him toilet paper and he ate it.

   Never looking back doesn't make you an optimist, lady, it makes you a horrible driver.

   A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a swimming pool...

   thinks that if at first you don't succeed, you should pray that your future Honor Roll student takes care of you.

   If your relationship is so complicated that you have to identify it as such on Facebook, you should probably get the hell off Facebook and go fix it.

   Summer weather; it's not the heat, its the stupidity...

   We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.

   These food stamps taste terrible...

   These lemons are half empty.

   I would consider becoming Catholic if they made Batman Pope.

   If you accept a penny for your thoughts, not only are you a philosophical prostitute. You're not a very good one.