hovo Funny Status Messages

   I was just thinking, what if car bumpers were filled with candy so if you got in a car crash, it would explode like a piñata. " Sorry 'bout the crash, but look free candy!!!"

   You know you're high when you look in the mirror ..and your reflection is Charlie Sheen!

   The iPhone- checks my facebook, checks my email, organizes my music, calls my Mom, and now it tracks my whereabouts? It's like having a jealous psycho girlfriend in your pocket.

   What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

   So 'Lol' has become the new , 'Yep I have nothing to say'

   If I ever wake up in a room with a bunch of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game", I'm gonna be pissed!!!

   Google has gotten so used to my search habits, all I have to do is type a celebrity's name and it automatically adds "nude".

   I installed a stripper pole outside my house. Haven't caught one yet.

   "If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?"

   I have a ton of leftover horse. I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was.

   I better get to sleep. I have to get up early to call in sick to work..

   My internet went down yesterday. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible..

   Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices..

   I've got 99 problems and I'm not dealing with any of them (Lay-Z)

   Just told AT&T that I'd make a payment on my cell phone Sunday, so I'm really banking on this rapture sh*t..

   It's Been A Tough Few Years For The Ocean, we've had the oil spill, the Japan radiation, and now "Hey! Mind if we put Bin Laden there too?!"

   Never thought it would happen but I actually got hungry watching 2 girls 1 cup

   I can't wait till October for when Rapture the sequel comes out.

   Instead of cashiers saying "here's your receipt" they should say "will you throw this away for me?"

   Can pregnant people use the car pool lane?